Should Not Incur Interest
by V. Martin
Nor should you have to pay back loans you never received. I made the mistake of trying to get an education past the GED I got when I was 15. The feds gave me a full grant to go to ASU, which I did but not very well. Up until that point my education was none existent. For some reason I don't remember ever being taught to read or write, that might be why I was so bad at it. After spending a summer reading out loud to my adopted mother I figured out how to get around my dyslexia without telling anyone about it. Mainly because I didn't know that is what I suffered from at the time nor did anyone else. Going from foster home to foster home didn't make it easy for any one to pay attention enough to realize I had a learning disorder, it was easier to believe that I'm stupid. To some extent, I am. Dyslexia makes it very easy to write me off as dizzy, empty headed, confused, dumb, not the sharpest pencil in the box, blonde, and an idiot. Yes, I get lost coming out of a one exit parking lot. That's only because I don't always know my left from my right or which way is up or down but mostly side to side. It's this state that really leads to people thinking I'm stupid. Also I'm ambidextrous which has only amplified my dyslexia. For a time I was thinking it caused it. I was naturally left handed but forced to be right handed so I used them both and even more so now.
Any way I took an IQ test when I was 11 and they told my adopted mother that I cheated on the test. She argued that I didn't know I would be taking the test in order to plan to cheat on it plus aren't IQ tests impossible to cheat on? What I think they are referring to is the fact I wouldn't try to cram the shapes into the wrong size shape because they would never fit. The reason why I knew they wouldn't fit is because on the way in another child was taking that same test, I could see him through the window and he couldn't get any of them to fit so I concluded they weren't the same size so why should I even try when they would never fit? If that's cheating you shouldn't have the window there for others to observe someone else taking the test. I don't miss much not even then.
So now can I have my real IQ test score from when I was 11?
Off topic, as usual, I never got my degree, as a matter of fact I dropped out the same semester I received the student loan of $2,250. That is all I borrowed yet now I owe $13,089.00 for loans I never received. They even had me consolidate the ones I never got and show no payments ever being made. For over twenty five years I haven't received a federal tax return all of them going to this student loan. When I first left college I made at least six payments of $112.00 but no sign of them ever getting them. I have disputed these loans several times over the years with no luck. This fraud has ruined my life and kept me from ever owning a house or having a normal life. I have no family to stick up for me or hire a lawyer to help me get this worked out. With no job, because now they want to garnish my wages, this is money I never borrowed. I like to be a responsible human being and pay back my debts but these are not mine. I borrowed $2,250 that's it I struggled to pay it back let alone ones I never received. Some one is trying to get me to pay for their education maybe my lack of one led them to believe I would but there is something I lack more than intelligence, money. My ambition left when I was stuck paying back money I never saw. My quest for higher learning only went as far as the grant did. Without parents I have no way to pay back money I never borrowed nor do I have any one to stand up for me when people treat me unfairly.
Everytime I've tried to rise above my station in life, which is as a disposable person, I am met with hostility and resentment. People buy my I don't need anybody least of all you act that I put on to keep people away. If they stay at a distance they may not notice my facade my act. With any luck they won't discover how horribly flawed I am and I do this by acting like I'm perfect. Which only makes it everyones priority to unseat me, rattle me, surprise me, catch me off guard which simply cannot happen. I do not drop my guard for a second, I can't, not even to sleep. At this point in my life I don't think I can even if I wanted to. It's like those poor Japanese woman with the bound feet, if they were to undo the binds they would probably die at this point, they've been bound for so long. My defenses are like that now, not necessary but without them I would die from exposer because they are all I have. If I let them go I would have even less and for sure every one would notice and come in for the kill being I am weak, sick, or just different. Not being able to trust anyone has made life pretty interesting.
